Man, it has been a long week. And during the entire week I felt like crap.
I can't really eat much....with this disease it is difficult to breathe, and difficult to eat. For some reason I always feel full. I guess all the coughing and inflammation makes it more difficult.
I have coughing spells that last for minutes at a time. I cough while laughing, while talking, while resting...hell, I will cough while I'm sleeping, waking myself up. I have bags under my eyes.This disease sucks...and there is no cure. It's like I am just waiting to die.
I apologize...I tend to feel bitter at times. I don't mean to whine...but I miss the life I once had. I miss the mountain biking. Hanging out at the beach. I miss the gym. I miss the treadmill and the elliptical machine. I miss the 10k's and half marathons. I even ran one once and got one of those 26.2 stickers on the back of my car. And now I can't even make it up a flight of stairs. What the hell happened to me? I made good choices in nutrition. I took care of myself. I never drank to excess. I was a fucking vegetarian...and now THIS?
It has been two years last week...that's right, that was my anniversary. My anniversary date when I was first diagnosed. I remember it well....I guess I should look at the bright side. That night two years ago, I was given anywhere from 2-4 years to live. That was two yeas ago....and I am still here. Not my time yet, I guess....but I know it's coming.
It's obvious I haven't adjusted well. I want to....Sure, I really want to. But I don't know how yet. I want to enjoy the time I have left, if it is possible. I guess the key is learning how to live with this....and I still don't know how. But I a lifeline today....I got a phone number. A phone number to a local Pulmonary Fibrosis support group. I'm going to give them a call. I will admit that I need help....so I'm gonna do something about it. Today. Well, that's my rant....
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